“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they are afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. Its all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, your letting society destroy you and reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” -Jim Morrison
I keep returning to it like a carrier pigdeon. I might circle around a few times, take a few detours, but I’m still going towards the same destination.
Hit the gym today, burned legs really hard. I came home and lied on the cool tiles outside in the hallway. I felt sick and fatigued because my legs where shaking and I was so bloated from the liters of water I had drank. I swallowed bites of protein rich yoghurt and skinless chicken. I contemplated, I often do the scope of my aims at this coordinate in my life trajectory.
It has been a long time since my I could ponder what will be such a drastically different life in one year’s time, things are going to be radically different. I’m rolling now, things are picking up speed. I noticed that this time I got down, and I am down right now…I’m far from out. I’m still going and I’m only increasing the volume knob to near full blast.
I pulled my first all nighter to write a paper last week, this week is going to be hell because I have to write two, move out, skate buy on minimal food, and work full days at both jobs all by next weekend.
It is getting tough, but I’m going punish myself further. I discussed future ideas and opportunities on the phone tonight. Every bone is craving assets like they crave calcium. This Fall will be the trial by fire. I will not fail because it is not an option.